Dear Sedaratives:

I’m twenty-four and feel like I haven’t made the most of my early twenties. What can I do in my mid-to-late-twenties to make sure I look back on this decade as the best years of my life?

Young But Not That Young

Dear Young But Not That Young:

Don’t worry about it. Just live out the rest of your twenties as boringly as you did in your early twenties. Your answer doesn’t lie in the present, but in the distant future. It’s a fake time-bending perspective you’ll start to gain in your thirties. You see, as you’ll get older, your life will grow more and more boring, thereby making your twenties seem less boring and more exciting. After you turn forty, you’ll look back on your early twenties as the most wild and amazing time of your life. Your memories will mix with your fantasies and dreams. You’ll recall all the facts wrong and your shortcomings will end up as tall tales. So cheer up! Your life is only going to get better and better (as you get older and falsely remember your past).

Liam

Dear Sedaratives:

Are you really getting your money’s worth at those all-you-can-eat buffets?

Levi K.

Jacksonville, FL

Dear Levi:

I think to answer this question, you need to do some base readings to determine how much is “all-you-can-eat.” This is, of course, different for everyone based on appetite and stomach capacity. You need to practice this at home first to see how much food you can fit into your body. Also, let’s not just define “eating” as chewing and swallowing. Eating actually means “to put food into a body,” so even after your stomach is completely full, you can still hold food in your mouth and also insert certain foods into your body anally. Hold as much food in you as possible. When you have calculated this amount, and the price of the food you were able to hold inside you, then you will know if the buffet’s price is fair or not.

I think there may also be some sort of legal loophole. You may want to check with the buffet’s lawyers, but I think that “all-you-can-eat” could possibly mean “all-you-can-eat-in-your-lifetime.” All you can eat would be from the first thing eaten at birth to your last dying meal. It could be a flat price that assures you food for the rest of your life, but I can’t be certain of this until I look over the buffet contracts.

Liam

Dear Sedaratives:

When I ride my bike, I hate jerk-face vehicles that take up...