Jean Grae Speaks to Your Concerns

Dear Jean,

My neighbors are building a fence, and the way the property line is drawn, their fence will have to cross over into my yard a little bit, so that one of my avocado trees will now hang over into their yard. The thing is, I love these avocados! I live on guacamole all summer! But now I won’t be able to eat them unless I go over to my neighbors’ yard and ask for them, which seems awkward. Plus, I’m sure they’ll be eating some of them, too, along with their yappy little dog and their (very rude) son. I don’t understand why the fence is necessary in the first place! They have plenty of privacy! Why do people need fences? But it’s probably bothering me too much. I mean, it’s just avocados, right? Am I being ridiculous? What can I do?

Across the fence,
Guacamole Lover
Pembroke Pines, FL

Jean responds:

Hey GL,

Did you know that Jason Mraz is an avocado farmer and supplies Chipotle with their cados? Well, I do. I have never brought that up without it being super awkward, so thank you for sending this question in. I feel so powerful right now. Listen, it’s reasonable to be sad about this. Those jammies are expensive and delicious! Here’s the deal. COMMUNICATE. It’s the golden fucking ticket to everything. You definitely don’t have to kick it with Yappy Pup and Rude Junior… and, of course, don’t just show up and be like, Gimme my cados, fam. I’m sure y’all can come up with some sort of free cado-sharing system. Maybe you can offer them your sweet, sweet guac recipe. Maybe y’all will end up being cool. Who knows? The goal here is to “focus on the robbery, Thurgood.”¹ Do what needs to be done. Then you’ll be sitting there eating your summer guac, all “OK. OK. OK.” Like Denzel. Fences. Boom.

Hi Jean!

I’ve been thinking about this a lot: It’s hard to think of older black women in my life whom I admire and who don’t overwork themselves by juggling career pressures with community work and family obligations. How would you recommend that we, as black women, work toward balancing our lives?

Cassie O.
Philadelphia, PA

Jean responds:

Hi Cassie.

O-h, shit. O-verwork, indeed! You see what I did there. This past month, I allowed work stress to overwhelm and ruin an important family moment. It sparked what is now the first realistic routine of balance I’ve ever had: Making time for myself, my mind, sleep (whaaat?). Making time for those I love and those who love me. Making time is huge. Making guilt-free time is even...