Seksopolis: Marriage the Croatian Way

TWO POPULAR REFRAINS

Now that we know each other a bit, I’ll quote you two popular Croatian songs. These are the songs that people on the Croatian coast like to listen to. The first one is older than me: every summer in coffee bars along the seafront I can enjoy this particular gem: “No matter what he’s like / hold on to him tight / because he’s a man.” The second song is slightly more recent; it’s sung by our most popular popstress, Severina, and it goes like this: “Even when you cheat on me I enjoy being with you.”

Why do I bring these up? For the simple reason that many Croatian women still create the image of their ideal husband based on them. A husband is this mysterious being and the most important thing is to get him to do the thing in front of a registrar and to create a marriage nest; after that, come what may. Even if a husband starts feeling a little restless we’ll let it pass because—he’s the husband. So under the motto “No matter what he’s like, hold on to him tight, because he’s a man,” Croatian women will put up with the strangest whims from their husbands, including the fact that the husbands in question stop coming home most evenings. When they feel their strength flagging, Croatian women listen to Severina’s “Even when you cheat on me I enjoy being with you,” and they wipe their tears and go on.

In our magazines you can frequently find words of comfort for those women who suspect that their husbands are cheating on them together with advice on how to survive this little temptation; after all, this is just a minor crisis which a serious marriage can weather. Even several of these crises, if necessary! You know that deep down underneath that rough surface your husband still loves you. After all, when his mistress kicks him out of his flat he comes home to you for dinner, which means that you, rather than she, are still his base. And is there anything more beautiful than being somebody’s base?

Here in Croatia, a woman is generally encouraged to be the martyr who takes care of the home while the husband is on top of a mistress, and to tolerate this silent and moody man for the next forty years despite the fact that the atmosphere in their marriage is a tad darker than the interior of a gothic cathedral after nightfall. This is why so many Croatian males enjoy the advantages of a double life: on the one hand there’s the wife who makes sure they are washed and ironed, and on the other...